"My biggest fault?... I'm a perfectionist" is a phrase you will never EVER hear me say. Of course, as someone with anxiety, sometimes I do like things to have a plan, order or in a familiar/particular place. But part of embracing my mental health issues and part of my process to get better has been to accept that everything isn't, can't be, and shouldn't be perfect. In all honestly I now find I find perfection in the imperfection. The little impurities make it more real, more personal. I like the experience of the real deal as opposed to the preened, perfected and impersonal. For example; in my last post you will see that I decorated the house I am currently living in in Hull for Christmas. It isn't perfect and after spending time with my two housemates finishing it all off by making the sparkliest paper chain known to mankind which now WON'T BLOODY STAY ON THE WALL (totally over it, whatever, I'm cool) and larking around doing Christmassy things together stuff did go wrong, or happened in the wrong order or wasn't going the way I had initially planned. And that was okay! I still loved it, I had fun and now our wonky, slap-dash, mildly improvised but ultimately successful decorations and stuff make me happy every time I look at them. And I probably love them more than I would if I had forced my decorations to be 'perfect' and it probably would have been far more expensive and stressful.
|My beautiful housemates <3|
And I guess that's one of the best things about creativity, you might start off with an idea in your head about what you want but the end product, for whatever reason, can come out in a completely different way, often equal to or better than your original thoughts for it. Tomorrow I am starting my new job at the Hull City of Culture offices working as Press and Communications Assistant. I'm thoroughly honoured and excited to work there and with so many AMAZING people and to learn, develop and engage with the work that's being done both in the offices and in and around Hull. I am aware of some of the tasks that lie ahead of me and I can already feel my anxiety telling me that everything needs to be perfect or it won't be good enough. I'm already setting myself too high a standard so I will end up feeling like I've let myself and others down. I know that I'm not the only person who thinks like this so I'mma break this down for y'all as well as myself. It doesn't need to be perfect all the time. Embrace the messy. Thrive on the unexpected and roll with the imperfections. Of course you can work hard and produce the absolute best work you can, in fact you should always strive to do so. But sometimes, you need to let it all loose and let things happen organically. This thought actually popped into my head whilst I was baking last night with the two lovely ladies pictured above. We were decorating our Christmas cookies and we could have spent hours meticulously piping the icing, ensuring the designs were sharp and that each individual cookie looked pristine. But instead, we did this...
and I freaking loved it! We threw caution to the wind, did something different and it came out looking fab. It was far from perfect, it was random, messy, un-planned and a complete pain to clear up.
When I planned for this post I had thought that I'd be writing about baking and having a C3 gals night in, not about letting control go and learning to not force perfectionism. Which, in itself is proof of what I'm trying to say. Sometimes the best work isn't perfect. Messy can be marvellous. I will always be the sort of person who works hard and I always like to ensure my work is of a high quality. But maybe I can learn to let some things go. Of course with somethings details are important, but human's aren't perfect and we shouldn't ever expect ourselves or others to be. Don't set an unrealistic standard for yourselves. Don't stress about everything being perfect. Embrace your imperfections.
I'm going to be working on something else new and exciting over the next few weeks and to fit in with this and my new job (have I mentioned that enough yet) I am changing my posting days during the week from a Tuesday to a Wednesday. SO please keep eyes out for posts every Sunday and Wednesday now as well as some teasers towards my new project!