Tuesday, 29 November 2016

A letter to my younger self (part1)

Dear Connie,

As a 22 year old you may think that I am a proper grown up and that I must be like all the other grown ups around you. I know that you often find yourself in the company of many intelligent, impressive and inspirational men and women who seemingly have their lives together. Trust me when I say they probably don't feel the same way. I know that you see yourself right now as very little, that what you say and do right now doesn't matter because it is little, and the world is very big. I'm writing to tell you that this isn't the case. All the stuff that you do and think and feel right while you are young, shapes you into the 22 year old woman I am now. Your heart doesn't change, all that changes is your experiences. There are lot's of thing I could tell you, but I don't want to give a lot away. Your life is an adventure and you should look at it like one.

Your family is always ALWAYS going to be a major influence in your daily life. They are simultaneously going to be your biggest fans, but will also be the people who challenge you and call you out, as well as you doing and being the same for them. 

Your Father is always going to see you as his baby girl, and I'm not going to lie it will start to get annoying at points after you turn 16. But know that as well as still seeing you as his little ballerina princess, he also see's you for who you are and who you could become. He will always remind you of how amazing you are and although you may joke about what you inherited off him, one of the best things you will get from him is a heart for compassion. Dad will struggle sometimes, and that is because he always puts others needs before his own. Dad is and always will be one of the hardest working, selfless human beings you will ever meet. Remind him that he needs to make time for himself though, cause he will tell you the same. You are able to talk to him and help him as much as he helps you. You will always be his baby girl, but you will also be one of his best advisers.

Mum, like many of the other women in our family, is insanely impressive. She will amaze you with where she will go and what she does and yes it is intimidating. There will be times where you feel that you can't live up to her or like you can't fill her shoes but she is immensely proud of you. Like Dad, she is always on your team and she always wants the best for you. I know that when you hit your teens you may feel like yelling or being mean but, please, don't do it. Trust me when I say that mum knows you so well, better than you know yourself sometimes. Let her be mum for now, and eventually she will not only be your mother but your best friend too. You will love being able to talk openly with her in a way you never knew you could or would.

Your brother will always know how to wind you up. I think it's just a universal, unwritten law that little brothers HAVE to know how to wind up their big sister. And don't deny it, you wind him up too. You will find at points that you and your brothers lives take very different directions. Now, I'm not saying that your bro has an easy time of it all, he doesn't and you need to be there to help him when he doesn't but you will go through a lot. He will always seem to get the good stuff; the better grades, the bigger friendship group, better love life, social life. There will be points were you even think Mum and Dad like him better than you. This isn't true. As much as your brother winds you up, you are his big sister. And he is fiercely loyal to you. He has your back, and he looks up to you.

There are going to be points where you feel you can't tell your family things. Things you think about yourself, about your life, about what you have done or what has happened to you. It may take time, but tell them. Being honest with them will help you be honest with yourself.

You will never be the smartest in your class, but you are wildly intelligent. You will never think that you are the prettiest of your friendship group, but you are incredibly beautiful. You won't have the same amount of money or confidence or popularity as some of your peers, but you work hard, you push yourself and you will always try to be kind.

You will go through some really rough spots in life, but you will also experience some wonderful things too. Remember not to focus on the bad stuff, but always look for the good as there is always some good in the world, no matter how small. Know that you are allowed to take each day at a time, and that one day in the past has no standing against what your future holds for you. Look back over everything not as a definition of who you are, but as the learning curve that taught you the skills you have now and have shaped and will continue to shape you as you grow and learn.

Oh and also, when your like 13 please trust Mum when she tells you that baggy ripped jeans with a loose, studded belt with slogan tee's, fishnet fingerless gloves and too much eyeliner isn't a good look. I know you think you look edgy and cool, but you will look back at that time and you will wish you had listen to Mum... 

To see more of my photos and posts follow me on Twitter and Instagram @Connie_cookie

Thanks, see you soon


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